Another Monday after another plane ride; another week ahead in the Arctic environs of the upper Midwest. We could really use a little of that global warming right now.
This appeared yesterday from the inestimable Dave Barry: Dave Barry’s Manliness Manifesto. Excerpt:
But the point is, these pioneering men did not do “crunches.” These men crunched the damn continent—blazing trails, fording rivers, crossing mountain ranges, building log cabins, forging things with forges, etc. We modern men can’t do any of those things. We don’t have the vaguest idea how to ford a river. We’d check our phones to see if we had a fording app and, if not, we’d give up, go back home and work on our cores.
We American men have lost our national manhood, and I say it’s time we got it back. We need to learn to do the kinds of manly things our forefathers knew how to do. To get us started, I’ve created a list of some basic skills that every man should have, along with instructions. You may rest assured that these instructions are correct. I got them from the Internet.
This is a matter that has perplexed yr. obdt. for some time, in spite of personally having maintained a tight connection with the Manly Arts, and not just on the one week a year when loyal sidekick Rat and I head to the mountains to do battle with antlered ungulates. A man should know how to do certain things: Catch fish, operate heavy equipment, use a rifle, shotgun and handgun, start a fire without matches or lighter. A man should be able to change a tire. He should be able to jump start a car. He should be able to drive a manual transmission vehicle. He should now how to find his way in the woods without a GPS device.
Mr. Barry is right to decry the loss of manly skills, but there are still a lot of us out there who maintain them; Brad Paisley said it best:
Once in a while, we see a little good news: Suicide Bomb Instructor Accidentally Detonates, Kills 21 Students in Iraq. Heh heh heh. Excerpt:
BAGHDAD (AP) — Insurgents accidentally set off their own car bomb Monday at a training camp in an orchard in a Sunni area north of Baghdad, leaving 21 dead and some two dozen arrested, Iraqi officials said.
…A police officer said the militants were attending a lesson on making car bombs and explosive belts when a glitch set off one of the devices.
Army slang for these gomers used to be “not-so-smart bombs.” I guess these assholes were determined to live up to it.
I’m suddenly hungry.
Like many men, I enjoy the occasional beer or two. And here’s the thing about beer; How many really great stories have you ever heard that began “a bunch of us were sitting around eating some salad, when…”
But many, many great stories have begun with the words “Hold my beer and watch this!”
Food – and drink – for thought.
A man, slightly under the influence, stands up in a bar and shouts, “All lawyers are assholes!”
Down the bar, another man slams his hand down on the bar and shouts back, “I resent that remark!”
The first man sneers, “Why, are you a lawyer?”
“No,” the second man replies, “I’m an asshole!”